Lucy McClure was already on edge when Dr. Christine Blasley Ford took her seat in front of the Senate Judiciary Committee Thursday morning. It had been weighing on her all week: she’d helped organize a protest Monday on the New Haven Green, and offered support to fellow women who felt “triggered” by the nomination of Brett Kavanaugh. She was taking new submissions of #MeToo stories, through a testimonials project that she runs with Attallah Sheppard and Luisa De Cossey.
Back in Washington, Ford gave her opening statement with a tremor in her voice. She sifted through her memories as prosecutor Rachel Miller questioned her about the reason she was there, an alleged sexual assault at the hands of Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh. No, she had not had anything to drink that night. No, she wasn’t certain of the distance was between her parents’ home and the country club where she was allegedly assaulted. Yes, she was afraid of flying on planes. No, that didn’t mean that she had sworn them off.
McClure hopped on Facebook to vent, and see what other women were saying. That’s where we caught up with her. The following is a selection of our conversation.
So tell me what you’re feeling.
I feel angry, I feel scared and I feel a rage inside me that’s something I haven’t felt [before]. I feel I am in that courtroom.
I feel there are so many women around us that are Dr. Ford and they never get a chance to be heard.
I also feel rage. For you, is it a new rage, or something that’s been simmering?
More extreme, especially when I see [prosecutor] Rachel Mitchell’s behavior when she’s speaks to Ford. The dynamics of power and gender are so clear.
We just “met” prosecutor Rachel Mitchell. It seems that this is an attempt by Republicans to not have a bunch of men grilling her (as was the case during Anita Hill), and it’s hard to watch.
Yes. I think it’s a problem when women attack women, especially in public. We talk about the “boys’ club” as a way of solidarity, but it’s very hard to see [or find] that kind of solidarity amongst women. And Mitchell is an example of that. But also all the other women supporting Kavanaugh.
I can’t help up but think of people that sit in silence, and how this hearing can shift rape culture and the strength in survivors dramatically.The fact that it feels more and more that she’s on trial, it’s terrifying.
Tell me more about how you’re seeing that.
When will be believe survivors ? If we can’t believe a clear story of sexual attack and violence, how will we ever attempt to bring [forward] those stories that sit in the grey area? Our word has become a battlefield, a ground for doubt, a spectacle … so much shaming and doubt. And questioning her ability to tell a story and reiterate the truth.
What’s upsetting is how it feels they are testing the timeline instead of the content. Like, what is the focus in her?
I know. Do you remember everything from high school? Spoiler: I don’t.
Me neither. I feel also we really need to think about how we all have. A duty to call on people and stop the propagation of rape culture. People don’t feel safe and that’s a fact. In their homes, schools, work.
And as women, what's the best way to do that?
Dialogue and understanding. People don’t listen, they don’t talk, they are quick to react. I’ve seen women attack other women and doubt their words. We all have a story or two about that. The girl that doesn’t believe her friend when her boyfriend did something, and they believe the boy but not the girl. The layers and layers of the #metoo movement that are embedded into our day to day behavior from the time we are able to socialize.
At this point, the committee called a 15-minute recess.
Can we talk about some of the parts that really stood out to you in the first hours of her testimony?
It gradually felt like a trial of her word. That this is showing the clear dynamics of power and rape culture, and how quickly they want to sweep under the rug and be done.
And when Mitchell starts it becomes a full blown trial: did you have a drink before, you said in this statement four boys, then two girls, were you one of the girls? Your fear of flying, as I read your CV I see all these places you travelled, was it all by plane?
In those moments I feel scared for her, but I also see every survivor becoming enraged and crying. What is the point of those questions but to show where her errors lie?
Do you see historical connections too? Like, the Anita Hill comparison is probably the freshest in people's minds. But I can even think back to the diagnosis of hysteria.
Oh yeah, absolutely. Hysteria, emotional, weak. Just look at the history of those words. Women are showed unreliable or untrustworthy is they show any signs of emotions
And you read the comments on the live feed and you feel even more enraged. “My wife walked by and laughed, she said she had worse done to her.“ How is this helping anyone? What has happened to our humanity?
Do you remember the Anita Hill hearings? I was just a baby, which means you weren't very old either.
I was in Brazil (McClure immigrated to the U.S. when she was in high school) so unfortunately I learned all in here. Only so much American history made it to Brazil.
But you educated yourself about it. That's actually more than most Americans do, I think.
Yes I did. And I still am. That’s why I think we need to have more dialogue and be less reactive. Our humanity is getting lost in the dynamics of power.
I think of that moment, and of the Lewinsky trial, for which I was still pretty young, and then think about how little has changed. I grew up with a feminist mom, thinking that things were getting better. Now I’m not so sure of that at all.
I feel a kind of rage that's very hard to control. I feel we are still living under the narrative of the white cis[gender] male, we need to change that narrative and allow ourselves to progress.
Little has changed, but think about how Ford has the privilege to come forward and tell her story. Imagine how different [this would be] if she were a house cleaner? Someone with less pedigree?
What do you think this will do for the #MeToo movement? Long and short term.
I think it depends to how it goes. I am scared if she “loses,” [and he wins] it means a loss to all survivors, but it also means we need to scream louder.. It means his hand is in all of our mouths. And we can’t allow for that to continue. And it enrages me to see this as a parent.
I don't have children, but I can only imagine. What is the conversation like for you, as a mom?
I make sure they have a voice and so everyone else and they need to clearly understand that NO means NO and YES means YES and the clear distinction. We do need to think about what are we teaching out children and the language we use.
I think it’s troubling when children can’t relate to people in power or successful. If girls only see men, of Black girls only see white men or white Women, if Latinos don’t see Latinos and so on.
And is it also a discussion about language? Like you said before?
Yes the narrative. And how we are choosing our words.
What words, since this hearing is also all about words, are most powerful to you?
Silence. Laughter.
When she talked about remembering the laughter, you mean? That was hard for me to listen to.
So hard. It resonated with some of the testimonials I’ve been collecting. And the things that stay and are trigger to survivors. I am curious to see when Kavanaugh is talking how he is handled (she later added “crocodile tears” to her assessment of his appearance). If the dynamic changes.
I also can’t help it but think about her family and all the people that know her. How hard it must be for them to see her in this situation and reliving those stories and still fighting for herself. If every survivor felt safe to come forward, we would realize we are friends or related to one or more.
Yes. I remember talking to friends about sexual assault in college, and what shocked me was that everyone had a story. The perpetrators were tutors, supposed friends, folks people met up with at parties. Literally, everyone I knew had a story. Men too, although fewer. So do you think this will empower women? Or scare them? Or will time tell?
I am hoping it will give them strength, and fuel them to come together more. But I don’t want to see white women, I want all women!
Yes! So I am a white woman, and a white woman in a creative field. What do I do to empower all women?
Use your privilege, your platform to lift their voices. Also call out other white women, especially when their privilege is blunt. We can’t allow for that narrative to remain.
Creatives can continue to support the arts as tools of healing and community building. The resources are here, but the segregation and narrative is still heavily white led.
This is why we launched our community dialogue in partnership with organizations that teach us about our own privilege and educate us on how we can support and work together in solidarity for the sake of our community. Change starts in our corner!
And what do you see as next steps in collecting testimonials?
We are going to more active about collecting audio and written as well, and screening in college campuses and local public venues throughout Connecticut.
We have many to collect, but the collecting is not simple but it’s about making our survivors feel safe, accommodating their needs and providing them with support.
You said you're hearing from a lot of folks today?
I am hearing in regard of the hearing.
And as an artist, where do you see this project fitting in with politics?
The dialogue, to initiate the dialogue and create a platform but while being aware of your language, focus and privilege.
But also highlighting that when we are watching the news and seeing Dr. Ford, Anita Hill, That there’s someone next to you who might also have a story.